On Body Image and Self-Love

Earlier today, I was posting-then-deleting some stuffs I wrote spontaneously on twitter about body image and beauty perspective. Sometimes, I may sound like a girl who has found her own voice. I defend that the idea of beauty is seamless, regardless of what your shape, color and size. 

Beauty does come in every way. My biggest letdown are girls with already fit and good bodies but keep ranting about how fat they are.

Yet I may be weaker from the way I sound, fragile unlike the words I am trying to represent. Not so secure about how I look and appear. There are moments where thoughts send me to overdrive.  Silly thinking that can send me curling over the pillow and cry. 

I think to shoosh the words away, because I think I am just being silly and that is not true.

My girlfriends, mom and female relative are always kind and encouraging. But sometimes, looking at the mirror, those comforts and love frustate me. Bitterly, I am scared to admit that maybe I am trapped in this box of constraints. That I am actually still looking for the stamp of approval from men to tell me that I look good enough to be desired.

Living in a big city and in this modern era, I hate to see how everything is manipulated and synthesized. Yet, I feel like I am not the type of girl who guys crave for. Certainly not the average kind, yet I do not think I fulfill any standard.  It is like some girls and I are in H&M, they go for the girly dress section and I am rummaging through the band or comic t-shirt. And should I feel bad about my choice? I hate to feel that I need to compromise my quirk, in order to look normal, not strange or not offensive/intimidating. 

Vulnerable right? But I guess everybody is allowed to have one vulnerability. Isn't it sad to feel about yourself and your body only whenever you have a man on your side? But then I come to realize, as cliche as it sounds and I am going to do it right this time. I am going to sincerely believe that beauty comes from within.

No matter who you are, someone else's wife/girlfriend, husband/boyfriend, it will not change unless you change the perspective inside you...

I want us to stop and be kind to our bodies. You do not need to be won/taken over/given a ring on your finger/treated with prize to feel desired.

Additional Note: Not the strongest spoken-word performance I have ever seen, but I am happy BuzzFeed comes up with this latest video. It seems to complement my post. Poem by Dayasha Edewi... and I always get this girl.