You and your petty lies

If you happen to read this, please take note that I am not thinking of you the way you want me to. The moment we stopped talking to each other, you have been erased completely out of my life. Because I know we both were looking for amusement. I was not the kind of girl you think I am. I was (and am) an independent woman who is in control of her decision, I was completely aware of what I was heading into. It was you who were the bad decision.

I was me, but at the same time, I was not me. I was in the age where I was curious of everything and you were there.

You took a chance.

You took an advantage of me.

It takes two to tango, but it was not easy. It was not easy to open up myself to some guys. I had always been careful about my decision.

It was always a grey line for me. Because there were times I said NO but you wouldn't listen. Those are the moments I had been healing from. I am completely healed and moved on.

I admit, I still think about you because I hate you. Hate is a powerful word and you don't deserve my kindness.  I have forgiven myself for what I did, but I could never ever forgive myself after the revelation I found lately.

You are a fucking liar.

A bad one.

You are a liar and you don't know how bad it is. You know who you are. You know you have other life that you have hidden from me. I wonder if you had ever cried at night or felt sorry for what you did, at least for once. But probably you weren't because you were out of your head.

If you said 'this feeling was real'... guess what, it was never real from me and I have never ever made any plan to make it real, because I have a sound healthy mind. I knew you were looking out for sugar, guess what, I ain't nobody's sugar.

I had been taking care of myself for 22 years and counting until I stand today. I have people who love me for who I am. Unlike you, you are a man who lies and you cannot erase the lie. It is written.

I guess I am angry. Really angry right now.

I am your angry ghost, you might think that you have buried me but I was agile than you think. I am so much livelier, lighter. I swear to God, this anger makes me feel like I want to hurt you back at least emotionally or mentally, because you have no idea how bad your LIE make me feel.

I am writing this so that I find a release. I have never wanted to hurt anybody before, but yes...

I feel like I want to hurt you.

Really, really bad.