Let me tell you a story about my extrovert

Aida was right. This was the best picture of all the pictures she took during my book launch.

The book launch of my first poetry anthology book is done, it gives me good energy and joy. Writing a book has been one of my biggest dreams. I thought, I was going to publish a young adult novel under a major publication. But it turned out my first book is Tigress, a poetry book that entails my self-search journey in my early twenties, under an independent publisher. 

Tigress might have already been published on paper, but it does not stop me here. This is just a beginning.

"Tell us the story behind this one particular poem, let me tell you about my introvert. Do you think you are an introvert? You don't seem like one."

That is a very good question from host/friend, Qowi. 

I was a quiet and shy girl (I still am in a way), but that was because I lived by someone else's expectation. My mother had wanted me to be more reserved and feminine. My schoolmates used to tease me for being ugly and fat. I lived in a small environment that did not appreciate loud person or anyone that is different. For example, I could not use proper Bahasa Indonesia in school unless other mates would think I was exclusive, let alone using my English. You would be expected to stay quiet for youe achievements, sharing your accomplishment would be labelled as 'boasting'.

So I lived the way I used to -- a close book with my insecurities, thinking that I had never been good enough for anyone. I have been living as an introvert for as long as I can remember. Perhaps, not because I am an introvert, deep down, but I bought to the belief that I am just somebody else that can never be good.

Don't mistake an introvert as an insecure person. Insecurities are with everyone, whether they are silent or loud. I thank my introvert side because it gives me balance and alarms me when to shut up.

Tigress marks another chapter of my life. Not only that I reach my personal milestone, to publish my own book, but to let go the baggage that has been dangling on my back and shoulders for like, forever.

I used to be the girl who used to apologise too much for everything that I do or feel. But now no longer.

And it shows form the warm and supportive reception yesterday. Good friends congratulate me for the book. Great friends, they congratulate me for the journey -- and point out what stays the same or change differently, what they see in me.

And I am truly grateful for that.

Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts and always believe in me. I hope I can do the same for you, friends :)

Love,

Ayu.