Monologue #6

Good evening, Earthlings

It is 5 minutes before bedtime. I realize it has been a week since I have not posted anything. So, here I am, with iTunes playing some Coldplays and Ian Somerhalder on my tumblr search *grin

Again, many thing has been going on. There are things that upset and flatter me, and the rest that remains, okay. I am officially disqualified from the writer's audition and the freelance editor selection. I was supposed to kill two birds with one stone, instead, I am the one who is deceased. But, that's okay. I am not depressed or anything. I entered the audition by my own will and that was before I haven't had a job and I thought I would not be doing anything much. In fact, I have tried my best with my situation... as in, finishing 2 stories (which turns up to be one and a half) with 2 different themes in one night with my drained brain after 4 working days. At least, I tried and they have not seen the last of me yet *wink

I am revising my story. This time, I might be starting from scratch. It has been two months of writing those 100+ pages in English. I might start to write my story in Indonesian and tweak little of some parts.

... and I have not posted anything online, unlike these past two weeks. 

But, that's okay. I do not want to burden myself with that, or do I sound like I am burdening myself? I am not trying to overachieve, but I am trying to challenge myself constantly. I do not know what others think of myself lately. I do not want to sound like bragging, God no, but even if I do sound like it, then I deserve it. I have been living as an underdog, and I refuse to. That's okay to share a bit about yourself. There is no harm in that. In fact, I am tired of seeing mouthful people gets all the attention from what they only say, whilst the brains are being idle. The world is turning upside down, isn't it? I might not be the smartest. I don't indicate myself as a brilliant person, but I am trying to speak what in my mind to other when I have a chance to. And, I think the rest of you should too.

I am thankful enough to be home in Cyberjaya right now. I had a nice productive day at the office and I have caught up the latest TV series... The big bang theory newest season does not excite me, well... I wonder why. It was an exciting journey home. In fact, I have found an alternate route back home. The commute consists of 2 trains and a bus ride. It was okay. It was an hour and a half journey, and what came across in my mind in that time was how do I allocate my money to purchase this new alternate travel plan per month.

Then, I think about my family, and the value that they had taught me. It is not to be an overspender or just to be smart in every way. Recently, I have been thinking about how I spend my money in daily basis, and I look at how my friends spend theirs. I have no wonder, if they would label me as cheapskate. Heck yea, I am a cheapskate, as long as, and I hope, I do not create trouble for anyone. I do not mean to criticize, but I do not see no use of being an overspender in a very young age. I do not see any good use of buying snacks/junk food or having fancy meal every day or once or twice in a week, when you don't feel like really needing it. I spend a lot if only I am in a celebrative mode. Because, at the end of the day, I do not want to complain about where all my money went and disappeared. I suppose to know the answer better. I am trying to life myself as simple as possible, probably, if it ends up to be a little suffering. Because, that is probably the phase everyone has to go through in their life. They have to learn to life with what the least they have. 

That was why I tweeted, "there is a thin line among being a cheapskate, economically-saver and a hedonistic." I am talking to those who are in my age. Temptations and peer pressures are everywhere, but until you know how the money comes from, you might want to consider to save...

This issue is playing in my head several times and it can say that is bothering me to see, how youth are very dependent towards money, heck yea, I do, but this just... I don't know.

Back to my family.

I cannot thank them enough for raising me in such environment, planting a balance deal of a value.  I am not a type of daughter who shoutouts a lot in social media platforms to my family, but deep down I know I thank and I love my family so much. 

I have met many people and I have known many characters of people in my life. I have assessed, from which family those people are coming from and what value do they teach and implement. Those who have belief, and those who have belief but do not practice some of the teachings. I actually don't mind, it is their personal preferences. I am not against it. But, I am still wondering myself, why? 

Because, I see my religion as a self-discipline. Like paulo coelho once tweeted, "procrastination is not a slavery." then I see religion is no slavery, you do what you feel right, and I get it... I can say for myself, that I am a religious person but I do not practice superstition. Heck yea, I recently go out often than the past 3 years, but I do still pray and I don't drink and I have not worn a hijab yet.  I cut my fingernails when I am in a period, yes, that is another simple superstition that I am avoiding. I think what we used to call it a religion, it is now shifted. What is superstition to you? What makes you think 5 times prayer a day, not being able to drink alcohol or not having unattached intimacy with sexual encounters, a slavery? Is that why would you question the entire universe of a religion? Because I really appreciate someone who stands up for a reason, and act out a statement, rather than someone who just follow what's happening.

I am posting this on facebook, and I am hoping for a response or at least, or this post is being read by deepest concern.