A Kaleidoscope Year : October - November - December

Merry Christmas, Earthlings....

I am happy that finally we are getting into the last quarter of 2012. Whether you read it or not, there are many things that I really want to share. This is my favorite quarter, because it is full of surprise, such a life-changing experience that make (or break) me a whole as a person.

October

Maybe things have been running to well in September, I expected October to be the same too. It turned out, NO. I remembered solving a major house problem myself and I am nearly getting crazy. I am losing it. I don't remember much about this month, except taking another IELTS test and my parent's visit... and later at the very the end of the month, I found a surprise, and it did not stop just there.

November 

I think I will give you all references from a music playlist.

Things I'll Never Say by Avril Lavigne

I listened to this intensely when I was 12, and I don't expect this song to fit my current mood all-month long. Every line is so so so true... How often you meet a person and instantly fall hard?

Guess I am wishing my life away

With these things I'll Never Say

I think I'm in love - Mocca

With violin strings at the beginning, I admit the song exaggerates everything and actually kinda creepy in a way, but it's a nice song to listen to. Maybe it's not creepy, maybe it's a bare truth -- nah, it's a bit creepy and I feel it suits a happy 13-year-old better compared to a 20-something. Anyway it's called I think I'm in love... It's only a 'thinking' phase, nothing certain yet :P

Here's other more songs to listen to :

• Crazy for You by Adele
• Falling for You by Cobie Caillat
• Coffee by Copeland
• Infatuation by Maroon 5

Go ahead and snuggle your head under the bed cover whilst listening. Anyway I am just sharing, no pun intended... yeah right

December

Here comes the dessert, here comes December. Ah, well apparently I can tell you that the end of the world rumor is not true. I remembered having proof-read and lots of Christmas candy on 21/12/2012 and some free time at the office. A night before, we were having Christmas feast! I can still imagine the taste of the turkey. Although, one thing I envy, many co-workers and friends are having holiday overseas, and I wonder why Bali is their destination. Yup, holiday! I am supposed to book a ticket to Turkey or somewhere else exotic! Look at my friends, they travel to Europe, Korea, China... and I am stucked in Cyberjaya. Exciting.

On the other hand, this month is going pretty well since the beginning. I want to let you know that I am writing this post inside my disfigured room. Yes, I am moving out of Cyber.

And this is not an easy decision, but very rewarding. Many uncertainties I have to tackle to get me to this decision. The main ambiguity is my working visa continuity, and I still need to find replacing tenant for my master room worth of RM.615 and there is no way I am paying double next month! I hope I will find a tenant immediately, anyone ?

Also, one thing that I conceal for so long. Maybe you read my post before, and it is pretty obvious that I am all mushy. It has been two months long, and we are friends now, I cannot be thankful for more. Normally, we will find each other on the way to work or home, but since I will move closer to the office, it will close every possibility to ever see him again. Okay, that line summarizes all.

Maybe it's me who doesn't want to admit that the reason is him. Because I am embarrassed. I feel so weak if I said so. I am a girl who never worries about relationship or romantic-attraction. It is not because I have many admirers lining up for me, oh no but I hope so hehe, it's just that, relationship or romantic attraction has never been my concern. They are not part of my plans yet. I am an easy-goer as well as a skeptic person towards relationship. I know that love exists, but such boy-girl-attraction is just fictional force. You cannot see it, even if you feel it, it is just in your state of mind. And, giving "it's a boy" reason for not to move on with my life is so cowardice. Beside, who am I to him except just a friend. We only knew each other for only couple of months, and by that time he has made me jealous or once or twice ignore me with that cool gadget on his hand!

Another question, why is moving out so necessary? Well, this is written for me to remember as well, so I don't feel any regret when moving out completely.

First, because my workplace is ridiculously far from my home. It is about 2-hour of commute with public transport and it adds up to my living cost.

Second of all, it's him. I know the 2-hour commute is physically exhausting now it's getting mentally exhausting because I am always hoping to see him at the end of the day. He doesn't know about this, but sometimes I would skipped train just for him. It is crazy, I have never done something so silly before. The skeptical part of my head said so and she is not impressed. And, at the end of the day, I would see him, but we don't really talk much, sometimes we do, and sometimes we don't. Plus, there is one girl who sometimes commute together with us and this guy seems to show positive attraction towards this girl. I don't know what he's up to, but it makes me think that I cannot stay like this.

This boy never hurts me, but occasionally he sneaks into my system and ruin everything. I am getting brainfreeze when it comes to writing. I feel uncomfortable having a night out because it's him the only thing that I am worried for. I make sure I leave the office on time and catch the right train just to make it in time with him. Maybe, I take this feeling too seriously, but what can I do? I am trying my best to control and pull it together in place... and by all means, this is not his fault.

Actually, everything goes well eventhough I am not moving out from Cyberjaya. I will need to settle my visa and go out from the country later on. I can stay in Cyber as long as I want, but do I want everything to be the same again? What if I am still staying, so, what's next? Watching him flirt with the girl or getting ignored over his cellphone? 

Anyway, it's nearly new year and I think it's the best thing to do. To start a new life, a new chapter. 

But that doesn't mean I am losing my interest on him, I am still keeping it lively. I am happy to meet him and I hope he's happy meeting me too. I can say that, he's one of my favorite person I know, well for the time being. It is nice to be able to feel the boy-girl-attraction, it is not bad at all, it makes you complete as a person. It is a humbling experience.

If God lets us to, we will somehow see each other in the train or passing the streets. Whoever my one and only is, he's coming closer....

and in the end, I would like to say...

THANKS 2012

It has been a wonderful years of blessing and defeat. Love that showers.

I cannot ask for better year.

See you in 2013!